It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
