Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
