ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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