Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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