I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its not stalking. its research.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
