Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
