I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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