I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
