you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm always down for nudity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
