how can u be prego again
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
