Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
whose parrot is this?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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