if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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