I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
