Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
