We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
