Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  i totally said that

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  (905): i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight (1-905): i totally said that http://tfl.nu/40bc
  Replies (19) Good night (4021) Bad night (546)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth

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  (313): you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth http://tfl.nu/33ft
  Replies (31) Good night (1978) Bad night (6295)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.

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  (803): you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila. http://tfl.nu/o38m
  Replies (36) Good night (1323) Bad night (6308)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

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  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1409) Bad night (8866)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

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  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (9096) Bad night (1222)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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  (757): It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower. http://tfl.nu/w3u9
  Replies (11) Good night (2963) Bad night (874)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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  (952): I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/xnge
  Replies (55) Good night (10652) Bad night (1294)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters

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  (206): she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters http://tfl.nu/lstj
  Replies (4) Good night (2783) Bad night (892)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.

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  (713): I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester. http://tfl.nu/tak8
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (1035)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i want to face-plant into her vagina

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  (617): theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot (617): i want to face-plant into her vagina http://tfl.nu/1iml
  Replies (10) Good night (2548) Bad night (593)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.

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  (770): I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself. http://tfl.nu/dirk
  Replies (1) Good night (1104) Bad night (469)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game

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  (509): Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game http://tfl.nu/0fm6
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (639)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  What does puking wasabi feel like?

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Like snorting cocaine backwards.

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  (602): What does puking wasabi feel like? (1-602): Like snorting cocaine backwards. http://tfl.nu/l21m
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (1444)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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  (660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06
  Replies (10) Good night (1304) Bad night (738)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles

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  (434): After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles http://tfl.nu/5yst
  Replies (6) Good night (858) Bad night (419)

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