I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
