We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He corrected my spelling during sexting.