Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
