I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?