Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
