According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize