He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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