Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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