I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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