fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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