You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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