just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry about my life...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
