Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
