hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cannot find my penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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