Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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