i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
