Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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