I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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