hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize