So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
