We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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