Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
