no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
