I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
