even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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