Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Welp...herpes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
