Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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