I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
