I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
