I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
