Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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