After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
