i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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