What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
