My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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