It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
