Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
