it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
