Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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