And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
