im about as happy as oj after his trial
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
