piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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