I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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