Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it was like eating out sand paper
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
