GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
