she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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