hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
