i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
