never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
