i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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