weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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